Only the Tomatos are On-Topic

To the right are six jars of sun-dried tomatos which were purchased at our local Dollar Tree for $1/jar. They really add some flair to spaghetti sauces and soups. We went back twice to buy more. I think Dollar Tree is out of them now.

To the left is the box from Trader Joe's Gone Bananas frozen chocolate covered bananas. While not strictly a 99 cent item, a box of four only costs $1.99 at Trader Joes and that is quite a bargain. They're a perfect summer snack.

While I am off the 99 cent topic and on the Trader Joes topic, I'd like to promote an amazing cheese that they sell. It is called Beer Cheddar and it tastes exactly like beer. It is absolutely amazing.


Beer Cheddar.

Sharpee Test

Sandra and I received a shipment of freight from Boz last week which included an ample supply of the siver metallic Sharpees.

These silver Sharpees write like a dream and are great for making grafitti on newsprint.
I tested them out on this week's annual sex issue of the OC Weekly -


I couldn't be more pleased with the silver Sharpees.
I'm going to keep one in my car's glove compartment.

Danke Boz!

Love Machines

Valentines Day is early over at the 99 Cent Store this year.
They have a whole aisle of Valentine-related materials; mostly candy, but lots of more interesting items as well, two of which I will describe in this post.


The Love Projector and the Love Machine.
We decided to field test these gadgets more or less immediately -


Sandra with the Love Projector.

Jonnie with the Love Machine.
1. The Love Gun
Technically called the Love Machine, we call this the Love Gun because it actually is a gun. We use the term Love Machines as a more general term to be applied collectively.

The subtitle on the Love Gun's packaging reads, "Shoot Them with Love". Yeah!

What most caught our eye about the Love Gun was the ammo that came with it. Instead of shooting red bullets or hearts, it shoots remarkably detailed little cupids who are each armed with bows and arrows:


Love Ammo.

Love Ammo Detail.
The barrel of the love gun is just for show. Nothing actually travels through the barrel. Instead, the cupid is placed in the top of the gun -

Loading the Love Gun.
When the lover pulls the trigger, cupid is launched from the top of the gun in a wide arc, hopefully hitting the object of the trigger person's affection.


Firing the Love Gun.
Side note: The Sounds of Love - What does a man or woman in love sound like? I recorded Sandra's and my responses to being shot by the love gun. Assuming we are typical representatives of our respective genders, I am reproducing them here.

Male [after being shot by love]: ::giggles::
Female [after being shot by love]: AAAAAA!!!!

When asked why the female reaction was so strong, Sandra reported, "I thought it was going to put my eye out".

Conclusion - Awesome! The Love Gun has pretty good range, it is attractive, it is portable, it will inspire shock and awe if we bring it out in public...we love it. The only possible drawback might be that the ammo is too cool for frivilous use. I would hate to lose one of those cupids. Sure, you could use an olive or something, but then it wouldn't really be a Love Gun. Do not use the Love Gun promiscuously. Do not shoot anybody with the Love Gun unless they would be worth losing one of the cupids.

2. The Love Projector

The Love Projector is like a portable slide show in a pink phallic highly fragile cheap plastic package.

It comes with a View Master style disc which, when rotated in front of the lamp, will allow a different image to be projected.

Each image is a heart containing one of eight slogans:
- Kiss Me
- Cutie Pie
- Love Bug
- Hot Stuff
- I Love You
- You're Hot
- Sweet Stuff
- Be My Valentine

This is a much less violent way to shoot somebody with your love than what was possible with the Love Gun. The object of the lover's affection does not even need to be the target with this machine. You can project your love on the wall or a plate, or your lover's dress as well.

The only drawback is that the Love Projector is not effective when the lights are on. So it is best used when the lights are off and the mood is right.

If the lights are off, the effect of the Love Projector is quite remarkable:


Sandra Under the Influence of the Love Projector.
The Love Projector included batteries, but they were worthless. One had visible acid buildup on it and the other, when combined with a new Duracell, gave unreliable results. Once I put in two new AA batteries, the Love Projector purred like a kitten.

Conclusion: The Love Projector is sure to make any man or woman horny. The only drawback being the image is difficult to notice when the lights are on. It is best to have both a Love Projector and a Love Gun in your love arsenal. That way, proper lighting will never be an issue. You can get both for a total of $1.98 and that's just a fraction of the cost you would spend on a typical posture bar.

Let the Love Play Begin!

The Sharpie Challenge

I went to the Dollar General in Au Gres today, and hey, Au Gres today rhymes!!!
Anyway, I went to the Dollar General today and found this four pack of Sharpies in the 50% off Xmas aisle.
Of course, I was positive that this was a mistake, I mean, who would sell Sharpies for a quarter a piece.
However, I took them to the check out counter just in case, and much to my AMAZEMENT the Sharpies rang up at a dollar.
So of course I took them, I don't mean I took them as in I stole them, I mean I took them as in I agreed to buy them, geeeeeeeez.



Comparing Sharpie Markers To Other Writing Implements Test



As you can see all the Sharpies write much bolder than any of the other tested writing implements. The metallic Sharpies are nice, but impractical for anything other than artistic or craft purposes, and of course, you would never use a Sharpie for any normal everyday writing task, but damn, they sure are fun.

One other thing.
Have you ever sniffed a Sharpie?
In my learned opinion they rate right up there with the fluid used in mimeograph machines in their ability to induce a short term buzz, and do they still use mimeos, because I don't think I would have made it through high school without them.

Pinconning and points south

In my quest for the elusive perfect bargain I decided to drive down towards Bay City today. (See previous post)

My first stop was the Pinny Food Center in Pinconning, get it ... Pinny is short for Pinconning. Check out the price for a 32 oz fountain POP, yeah, we call it POP in Michigan. The 59 cent Pepsi bummed me out a bit, because before I left Tawas I stopped at the BK and got a 44 oz Diet Coke for $1.80. I could have got 96 ozs of Diet Pepsi for the same price if I had waited!
Anyway, the Pinny Food Center is a normal supermarket, and actually their prices are a little higher than normal, but they also stock a lot of overstocked and slightly past due items at ridiculous prices.



The first item in my cart was Brachs mixed candy at 99 cents a pound. I had plenty of hard candy and chocolate candy at home, so I went for the holiday theme and bought about 2 pounds of the peppermint nougut. The regular price for Brachs mixed candy was $3.69 a pound, at least according to the Pinny Food Center, but it was a good buy, and it is very tasty too.



The next items in my cart were two 12 packs of Diet Code Red Mountain Dew for $1.50 a twelve pack. I didn't even know they made DIET Code Red, and seriously, that is some cheap ass price. The lowest price that I've seen on any Pepsi product 12 pack is $2.50, and it's very rare that you see it that low.



The third item in my cart was the Sobe Energy Drink called No Fear Gold. I had never heard of it, but at four cans for a buck I didn't think I could go wrong getting two 4 packs. I mean, do you know how much a can of Red Bull goes for?



The last items from the Pinny Food Center were two 4 packs of Starbucks Iced Coffee Italian Roast, described as a premium coffee drink with a hint of low fat milk and sugar. I don't drink coffee, but my niece, who is coming up for Xmas does, and I thought I'd give this to her as a stocking stuffer. Oh yeah, a four pack cost a buck, yeah, that's twenty five cents a can ... 25 cents a can for Starbucks Coffee, what are they crazy or something?



I then headed south towards Bay City and the wholesale supermarket I told you about that had the 4 packs of Orangina for 49 cents. Well, they were all out of the Orangina, but they did have Chocolate Fudge flavor Jones Soda for 4 bottles for a dollar. Jones Soda is the company that makes all the weird flavors of soda like Chicken and Gravy, I'm serious, but anyway, Chocolate Fudge is supposed to be very good if you believe the reviews on the internet.



With that I turned around and headed home, but I was stopped almost in my tracks when I saw a fruit and vegetable market with a sign advertising tomatoes for 49 cents a pound. I couldn't believe it, I thought it must have been $1.49 a pound but the one had blown off the sign. I went inside to check it out anyway, and BAM, there it was big as life a whole display of Florida tomatoes for 49 cents a pound. Damn, the cheapest you can get any kind of tomatoes up here at any time of the year is about 89 cents a pound, and that is in the middle of summer. I haven't seen tomatoes for 49 cents a pound since I had hair like spun gold, and I don't even want to remember how long ago that was. Hell, I bet you can't even get Florida tomatoes in Florida for 49 cents a pound.



Whew, is that it?
I feel like I've been typing for hours.
Oh yeah, it's a 130 mile round trip down to Bay City, which is I don't know how many kilometers, but I bet it's a lot.

The scenic route

I plan on taking the scenic route down to Bay City today for my last bit of shopping before Xmas. By the scenic route I mean I am taking M-13 out of Standish instead of hopping on I-75. I took this route once before and there are a lot of interesting stores along the way.
One store I want to stop at for sure is a discount supermarket that sells stuff like past due products, dented cans, products with the labels torn off, day old bread, and stuff that didn't sell in other parts of the country so they bought them and sell them at drastically reduced prices.
I stopped at that supermarket once before, but it was the last place I stopped, and I was pretty tired, so I didn't buy anything.
They did have one product that I could kick myself for not getting.
They had four packs of Orangina, a fruit citrus drink that AmyJo had raved about, for 49 cents. I would have liked to try it just for curiosities sake.
So, if they still have it today I am going to get a couple of four packs and if I don't like it I'll give it to my niece who is coming up on Saturday.

More than 90% off

Went to Kmart today to try to spend some of the gift card that my sister sent me for xmas.
I found Joe Boxer sleep shorts ... lounging shorts ... whatever shorts ... marked down from $10.99 to $1.00. This was the only style and color they had, but I still bought all three of the large waist size they had on the rack.





They are very comfortable. I bet Jonnie would wear something like this to go to his favorite drive-thru, or he might even wear them to work.
C'mon Jonnie, tells us where you would wear these ... better yet, tell us where you wouldn't wear these.
Mabye Sandra will do the math to find out just what percentage of a savings I actually received.

A Dollar Store Human Interest Story

When the local McDonalds downsized about 8 years ago one of the assistant managers lost her job. It kind of bummed me out because she was kind of hot even though she wore unflattering eyeglasses, now don't get me wrong, I like chicks who wear eyeglasses, it is just that her's were very unflattering.
Anyway, when she lost her job, she opened a Dollar Store with another assistant manager who lost her job at McDonalds, and yeah, it sure seems that McDonalds has a lot of assistant managers ... AND NO FUCKING COUNTER HELP, I mean they have five registers but they never have more than one of them open, and that is one of the main reasons that I go to Burger King, but yeah, they opened a Dollar Store.
So, they opened up a Dollar Store, and the chick with glasses started wearing contacts, and she started getting even hotter, and she wasn't young, she had to be in her early 40's, and no, she wasn't MILFy hot, she was just hot, but as time went on I guess the strain of ownership kind of got to her, she got skinnier and skinnier, and her face started turning sallow, if indeed faces can turn sallow, and, well, she just started looking worn out.
Then during the summer the Dollar Store closed down, and I don't know if it was because they lost the lease on the building they had, or if the business just went down the tubes, and that was that, or at least I thought that was that.
I went into the Dollar General last week, and their was a new cashier who looked vaguely familiar ... it was the woman from the Dollar Store, and wow, what a change for the better! She has put on a little weight, and has some color in her cheeks, and I've got to say that she looks better than she ever has.
So, I guess that just goes to show you that running a Dollar Store isn't all fun and games, or something equally as profound.